I just need to get this out

..before it turns into a sickness within my soul.
I've made a lot of progress and I DON'T want to regress.

She....will NEVER be me and maybe you'll realize that and maybe you won't. And maybe it's a good thing she isn't and maybe it's a bad thing...God has control over that not me. But she will NEVER be me and I will ALWAYS be ME. I am ABBY, and that is something and many people see...just ask those closest to you.
You may not want me anymore and maybe that's for the best, and right now, wanting you is the last thing I want. I want to be past you, so that I don't feel any pain anymore. It's subsided for sure, but somehow you still get to me to bruise my heart.
I am hoping in God's plan, I hold him close right now, despite the fact that I may be making something out of nothing...He is what I need right now. I TRUST in His plan, even though I REALLY do not understand it. I don't understand why He put such a desire in my heart to get married and have a family and serve God in that family..and why He has given me the opportunity to graduate early and all that yet, hasn't given me the one blessing that I have wanted above all else. I do not understand that, but I do trust in His plan.
It can be a hard pill to swallow at times.
She will never be me, I will never be her,you will always be you and He will always be I AM.

Now that I have been able to say my peace, I can go cram in some homework and get on with my fast track to graduation. Oh, I had my DODDS interview today, we'll see by the end of this week how it went. I'm praying God will make it clear where to go next semester after I know if I am accepted into DODDS or not. I'm not anxious of where I might go, but more of just wanting to have an answer. Anyway, I cannot have the emotional roller coaster I may need this week, because I have way too much to do, but I can trust God has me and has my life.