It bothers me

It bothers me
a poem by Abby Nick

It bothers me that I am so tired
and I don't feel like writing anymore

It bothers me that she gave up on her lifelong commitment
and it somehow affects my relationships

It bothers me that you feel you can judge my relationship with Christ
and I didn't do anything wrong

It bothers me that I feel torn between two sides
and I can't help one without hurting the other

It bothers me that I am so patient
and yet others don't have to wait at all

It bothers me that you liked her picture
and hardly said anything to me at all

It bothers me that I have feelings for you despite our previously STRICTLY plutonic relationship
and I've been denying them all along

It bothers me that I will continue to deny
and you'll never feel them at all

It bothers me that it was THEIR disobedience
and someone constantly makes me feel like I am in the wrong

It bothers me that all these things bother me
and I'd rather just not care at all.

I just wrote this so that you'd notice.
YOU don't bother me at all.

Been a while

It's been a while since I last updated on my life as of late. To be perfectly honest, I don't have a ton of time to do so. "Why?" you may ask, well, I have now officially become an adult, or so called adult, I have started my long awaited career of being a teacher. It is still weird to say that. Yes, I am a teacher. I am called Miss Nick 75% of my day,I grade papers, I teach teach teach, assess assess assess and go to stupid trainings for my whole weekend now. While my career is very rewarding and I love each and every one of my kids, my job is hard. It's only the second week and I am realizing thoroughly that I quite possibly could be way in over my head. There is just a lot to do and it is seemingly never ending.
But....
before I get too negative.....I love teaching. I love my kids, and they are MY kids. I was heartbroken that yesterday one of my kids was possibly hurt yesterday in my classroom and it broke my heart when one of my students said he was deducting points from his day because he was born. I see how desperate some of them are for attention and love and I hope they feel that I love them, value you them and care for them, even when they drive me up the wall. And maybe they may not become geniuses in my class, but I hope they at least feel appreciated. I hope somehow I make a difference, if it is only in a small way.

Obviously, my life is only teaching right now. I am trying to maintain a social life, but it was weird for a while. I'm dealing with a lot of drama that really isn't mine lately. It's been taking a toll on me, but I would rather help support others right now. The problem is that I am trying to be on two sides at once, and it's not very successful. I wish I could separate myself from the situation, but I am not going to do that, because that would require me to separate myself completely from the people involved. And I love the people involved.
It's just a lot....and hopefully I won't destroy any chance of me having a good thing with a certain person because....I really would like the chance.