A letter to the man who captured my heart for 8 years

I've grown too attached again. I suppose it had to do with the fact that Courtney died and I needed the person to whom I have been the closest to help me through this time. But, I need to get back to the good spot I was before Courtney died. The spot where I wasn't upset by you or consumed by you. While I wasn't consumed by you these past few weeks, I was making my way back to being too attached. So, this is it. I dunno if we're just not good for each other, or if it is just timing and that someday at a better time, we'll be together, but for now, you want to date around and I need to be single. I will never understand this fully I don't think, but I do see what God is doing in my life. This is going to help me grow, and as a very dear friend of mine said "God wouldn't have you go through all this and have it be for nothing." I trust in that. It will all be better. I've got to say....that it doesn't look good for us. You want to date other people...obviously I am not giving you something you need....you say you don't want commitment, yet you'll date other women, in my mind that doesn't make sense. Its all fine though. Whatever God has planned is better. There are times that I want to know if His answer for us is a yes, but you have to wait or a no. But I think God doesn't want me worrying about it. So I won't. He has me and He has you, and I am so thankful for that. There is one last thing I must say, because I don't want you thinking for one day that I don't feel this way. I want to live without the what ifs, I wonders, and regrets if anything were to happen to either one of us.

I love you. And I always will, you were the first one to have my heart, and no matter what you will always have a part of it.